How Dane Ortlund Learned about Being a Pastor
Examining the views of Dane's mother, Jani Ortlund on being a pastor's wife
Ray Ortlund, Jr and Jani Ortlund (via YouTube)
Dane Ortlund grew up in a home that was deeply connected to the rich, powerful, and influential right-wing political network called CBMW — The Council for Biblical Manhood and Womanhood. Much of the funding for the rise of this network was from Howard Ahmanson.
Ray Ortlund, Jr. was president of CBMW from 1991-1993 and contributed a chapter in Howard Ahmanson’s Recovering Biblical Manhood and Womanhood. (Later I’ll write about how Ray Jr pulled a fast one on the Christians for Biblical Equality, CBE, in a highly nasty way, in my opinion.)
Ray Ortlund, Sr. was in upper power circles as well. He wrote books, headlined conferences like World Vision’s 1980 Festival of Missions with Ted Engstrom and Carlton Booth. Ray Sr. was also a steering member of the highly influential Coalition on Revival, which was primarily run by Christian Reconstructionists and extremists (in my opinion). The ideas that they wrote up have overtaken the white evangelical church over the last 40 years.
Source https://www.epm.org/resources/2016/Aug/19/ray-ortlund-sr-happy/
On September 30, 2008, Dane’s mother, Jani Ortlund, gave a speech at The Southern Baptist Theological Seminary where (it sounds like) she spoke to pastor’s wives. I’m going to look at how she views her husband, Ray Jr. and pastor-men in general. It was published here:
First, she highlights how difficult it is to be a pastor’s wife. This sounds terrible! Who would choose this?
“women have wondered out loud, ‘This is hard—much harder than I figured on. I wonder if I have what it takes.’”
“Some of you married never dreaming your husband would end up in the ministry. Others knew you were headed into ministry, but were unaware of the sweet sacrifices that you would need to make.”
“I heard of one ministry wife who said, ‘Clergy ought to be celibate because no decent rightminded man ought to have the effrontery to ask any woman to take on such a lousy job. It is thoroughly unchristian!’ It may be hard—but it is not lousy. It may be exhausting—but it is not indecent. It may even be painful—but it is not unchristian.”
“Ministry marriages bear unique strains.”
Second, the warfare language stands out to me. This warps ethical frameworks, creates an entire life-purpose and works on the “us vs. them” teachings within religion. I’ve written here about how the breakaway Presbyterians heavily used warfare as a means to influence thinking.
“his kingdom advancement program”
“God, in eternity past, chose you to be an active soldier in his mighty rescue operation for this needy world.”
“You get to live up close with one of the leaders in God’s kingdom advancing work.”
Third, she uses strong spiritual language to overtake thinking and personal discernment. Every pastor’s wife’s marriage is “a good and perfect gift.” Wow, that’s quite a claim.
“Learn to see the big picture of God’s eternal purposes. Your calling as a woman deeply involved in ministry is a vital part of God’s eternal plan. I want to encourage you to ponder the sacrifices God is asking of you as a woman in ministry.”
“Your marriage is God’s gift to you. And it is a good and perfect gift. Your man and your ministry are part of Almighty God’s eternal plan to redeem this place we call earth.”
Fourth, wow does she strongly lay out the need to worship and praise her husband.
“You are one of the main vehicles God uses to show your husband his favor.”
This sounds like a tough job — yikes! Can pastor’s wives choose whether they are Chevy or Cadillac then?
“Proverbs 18:22 says, ‘He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord.’ It’s as if God was thinking, ‘How can I help this man as I call him to serve Me? I know. I’ll make ________ , introduce them, and ignite their hearts to yearn to be one. Then I’ll use her as my main channel to show him my favor.’”
So, pastor’s wives, your main job is to show your husband favor — God’s favor. What does that even mean?
“Your most important ministry in all of life is to your husband. God gave you to him as a helper. This is not a weak word. It is used of the Holy Spirit. A helper gives aid from a position of strength or wisdom or gifts or experience.”
The husband is her most important ministry? Wow.
“Show him appreciation and loyalty. Men in ministry are always under fire. Their sacred calling exposes them to unique temptations from which other men are exempt. For this reason, your husband needs to know you think he is really wonderful. Speak well of him to friends and family. Praise him in front of your kids.”
So all pastors require this always? Does he really need frequent praise in front of others? It seems like this might set up relational issues in the future.
“Be loyal to your man. Don’t broadcast your frustrations and disappointments. Let him feel safe with you. Accept him. Men interpret advice as lack of approval. And he’ll get plenty of advice from others— co-workers, congregants, family. He needs to know you are on his side—that he’s not alone. Let others try to improve him. In your eyes he needs to be OK.”
“Men interpret advice as lack of approval.” What a statement. I disagree. This is only for very fragile men.
This next section is a bit uncomfortable. I wouldn’t have shared that.
“I am a fixer by nature. And besides that, people have tried to get to Ray through me, especially women. ‘Please tell Ray how much I . . .’ And somehow, I would try—whether it was what side of his jacket he should put his name tag on, or how to pronounce a missionary’s name, I tried to correct him. Finally, he came to me, took me in his arms, and said, ‘I need to know there is one person in this world who isn’t trying to change me—who really likes me. Would you be willing to be that person for me?’ Boy was I! I didn’t want anyone else stepping up to apply for that position!”
This was standard talk in the CBMW circles where John Piper was training evangelical women to submit and obey all men. (I wrote a tiny bit about what I call the Male Fragility Matrix(TM) here.)
As I think about the culture that Dane Ortlund grew up in, it makes sense that pastors were seen as men to be praised and obeyed by women and treated very, very carefully.
Here I wrote about Dane Ortlund’s public response to the Illinois Human Rights Commission’s judgement against Naperville Presbyterian Church (PCA). Read for yourself and see whether you think any of these ideas are active within NPC and Dane Ortlund’s statements. Jani Ortlund was there at the trial each day sitting behind Emily, so she got to hear everything for herself.
I’ll write next time on Jani’s advice on spreading rumors and lying and defending oneself.